Utatakho is a relatively new show on Mzansi Magic. It seeks to assist children (now young adults) to find their biological dads. Having watched a few episodes, I must say it is a very painful show. Some children grew up struggling, having no food to eat, being abused by the stepfather or sleeping in the toilet. Really terrible situations some of them endured.
In most cases the mom was at fault because she didn’t want the child to know who the father. This was for various reasons not disclosed. One of the moms said that she kept the identity of the father hidden because the dad said that the baby wasn’t his.
We live in a broken society, ideally, a family is made up of a man, wife and child. So what happens when casual sex turns out to be serious? What happens when ‘a night of harmless fun’ brings forth a situation that can’t be reversed?
The worst thing that a man who has been having causal sex with a lady can say, after the lady has said that she’s pregnant, is ‘Is the baby mine?’ that is just hurtful and insinuates that the girl is a loose cannon that sleeps around, it also says that you don’t trust her. But then again, why would you trust someone you’re not serious with. On the other hand why are you having sex with someone you barely know?
Women are known to be emotional. And pregnancy escalates these emotions. So when a man, who’s about to be a father, acts in shock and denies, flees, or even curse the girl and the baby, this will definitely leave a deep mark in the future mom. A mark that will be inevitably passed on to her unborn child.
The pain or confusion that comes from causal sex turning serious shouldn’t have to affect the child. But, unfortunately, it does and it will. The child now, somehow, without it being any of her/his doing is now part of a war that they know nothing about and frankly, shouldn’t even be part of. What happens between the mother and father is their business. The child should be allowed to have a relationship with both parents despite a broken relationship between the parents.
Yes, it’s not that simple, because the woman will use the pain she felt when she was pregnant and the man will use the confusion (and possibly pain) to stay away.
The biggest lesson comes through observations. You will treat people, the way you see others treating you or your nuclear family. A father is supposed to show his son how to treat women (done by how he treats his mother) and the mother is supposed to show the girl how to treat a man (done by how he treats her father). And vice versa. In this teaching also lies how the individual should treat the other, male or female. Now when a mother or father is absent, the principal teacher for the child will be TV/aunts/uncles/friends/neighbours, etc. Again, this is unfortunate, considering that the dad is alive and kicking but nowhere to be found.
It is very heart breaking and tragic for a woman to decide to keep the child away from the dad because of what happened between them. In the same way, it is sad and tragic for the dad to stay away for the same reason.
Children need their fathers. Children need their mothers. Watching Utatakho has shown me the ugly side of single mothers and fathers. Refusing to tell the child about his/her origins only creates a deeper crack in society that will be perpetuated if he/she falls into the same situation. It creates a vicious cycle of hate, abandonment and confusion.
Who will be brave enough to tell the truth, to not make decisions based on emotions or temporary situations? When will we start repairing our society by filling the gaps with truth and not just walking over them and ignoring them?
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